


Repetition

by camisadomg



Series: That History [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-04-19 22:09:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14246772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camisadomg/pseuds/camisadomg
Summary: Two-hundred years is a long time. Humans aren't capable of living that long, and other creatures can get lonely when the loud, passionate beings die. It's worse when they fall in love. Magnus Bane has remembered Alec Lightwood every day of the last two centuries, but maybe the Greatest Pirate in the World isn't lost to him forever.





	1. Chapter 1

 It was raining in New York City. When wasn't it? Cars sped by, splashing already-soaked pedestrians, curses littering the polluted air. Jace Wayland stepped off a curb and dashed across the four-lane road, nearly escaping death by a car going thirty miles over the speed limit. His racing heart followed the blare of the horn all the way down four blocks, until it faded. "You idiot!" His sister exclaimed from the store she was taking shelter in. The owner looked at her quizzically. 

Jace only laughed. "I thought it was clear, Izzy!"

"You're lucky Clary didn't see you," Izzy sighed, extending her umbrella to the boy, although he was dripping wet. He shrugged her offer away. "You're going to get sick."

"Take it easy," Jace chuckled. "You sound like Alec."

Izzy took offence, one reason being she hated being compared to her older brother, and the other being that she knew how much her older brother dealt with on a daily basis, and he really didn't deserve the negative remarks. "I just want you to be more careful, Jace."

"Alright," Jace frowned, getting that his humor was not going to be returned that night, not by Isabel Lightwood. "Speaking of, have you talked with Alec lately?"

Izzy sighed, fell into step with her brother. "No, he's been locked away in his office for days now."

"It's Robert's fault, you know," Jace tittered, purposefully stomping in a puddle but at least maintaining the decency to do so on the opposite side of Isabel. "He puts all the damn pressure on Alec to the work for him, he might as well hand over his position." 

"My dad isn't going to just give it up. There's quite a few years before that happens."

Robert Lightwood was founder and manager of Lightwood Exchange, a business partner and prime stock management team. He delegated most of the work to his eldest son by blood, Alec, who did it all while trying his best to be the most interactive, loving older brother he could be to his siblings. 

Izzy said, "I'm going to take Max to see him tomorrow."

Jace hummed, indicating that he thought that was a nice idea.

"He really needs to let loose. Have fun," Izzy gave in and splashed in a shallow puddle. The rain had slowed to a foggy mist, and the siblings walked side-by-side to their childhood home to see their mother. It was a vacation holiday,a nice interlude from college. 

At their home, Maryse Lightwood frowned at Jace and chided, "Do you never do laundry at your dorm? All of the clothes you brought home reek."

"It's character," Jace retorted, smirking devilishly. 

"That's disgusting," Isabel groaned.

Above them, they heard the pattering of feet as their younger brother zoomed to see them. he had been stuffed inside all day by the rain, and he burst into the scene like a cannonball from an old-time pirate ship. He crashed into Jace, who still managed to pick him up and spin him, tickling him and making the other boy dizzy with laughter. Izzy ruffed up the younger boy's hair and grossed him out with a kiss on the cheek. Their mother looked on, smiling, taking the moment in before saying, "Your father and Alec won't be home for dinner tonight, so I'm not making anything special."

"I'll help you," Izzy offered.

Jace and Max exchanged a look before Max exclaimed, "I need your help with homework, Iz!" Both boys knew that dinner would not be edible if Isabel offered a hand to help.

"Oh, alright then." Izzy blinked, and didn't think much of it.

At the office, Alec gazed for a long time at a stack of papers before him. Data, data, personal information from clients, and more data. He sighed heavily. He had been sorting through it for hours but his father seemed to have an endless amount ready to be sorted. Catalog, inspect, back up electronically. Back and forth, Alec had nearly rocked himself to sleep. On his wrist, his watch beeped. Alec jolted from a half-dream and silenced the noise, knowing that his father probably had more work for him to do and he would not be allowed to leave. Sure enough, he spent another hour looking through names and dates of birth and financial profiles.

Half and hour to midnight, Alec's father showed up. He was empty-handed, and Alec bit his tongue to keep in his hope to be let home. His father's eyes trailed over the various manila folders brimming with stapled papers before giving a nod of approval. "Nicely done, son." There was no other comment.

Bitterly, Alec couldn't keep from wondering, "What was the hold up today?"

"Mini-crash," his father shrugged. "Probably going to be in the news tomorrow, but nothing economically dangerous."

Alec felt bad for asking. He stifled a yawn.

"Head home," His father told him.

"What about you?"

His father said, "I'll be own my way soon enough." But Alec had already known and expected the answer. His father was never home in the evenings. Alec wondered when the man slept. Surely it wasn't in his office.

"Alright, see you, dad." Alec grabbed his raincoat hanging on a hook by the exit and marched his way into the rain. It had picked up again, and the wind pushed it almost sideways into his eyes.

Alec, to his credit, knew how to have a little bit of fun. When he wasn't doing work for his father, he was spending time with his siblings. And when that ran out, he would often find himself in the midst of some club somewhere deep in the city, music blasting loud in his ears and body fueled mostly by alcohol and faux-courage (that mostly came from the alcohol). He was young, only twenty-four years old, and handsome. Men swooned over him any day of the week. 

It was one of those days, the rain made him anxious, and his exhaustion dissipated with his quick steps. Alec saddled up next to a lonely looking man that was dressed in sparkling clothes and dark makeup, jewelry catching all of the lights. He waited patiently for the bar tender to come his way. He heard the man mutter something-- more like a defeated sigh-- before the man turned to him and said, "Hello, Alexander." 

Alec blinked. He had never seen the man before in his life, he was almost positive of that. Maybe he had misheard his low voice over the drowning noise of the dance music. Alec tilted his head and asked, "Do I know you?"

The man stopped fidgeting with his drink and became like a statue, frozen in place and staring. Alec felt tense. "You can hear me?"

Alec wanted to crawl away, duck under the safety of sweating men and swiveling hips. "I, uh-- you okay, buddy?"

The man next to him suddenly stood. "Excuse me," he choked out before making a mad dash to the bathrooms. Alec was put off. He didn't like not having the upper hand, and the man definitely knew _something._ Or he was on some drug. Probably the latter. No matter which, Alec's interest was definitely piqued, because he enjoyed playing games and crafting gimmicks.

Magnus burst into the bathroom and locked the public door without much more than a flick of his fingers. Then he threw up the entire contents of his stomach, which was little more than burning liquid. He had seen Alexander's ghost, but was it a ghost? He spoke back to Magnus, something that had never happened in two-hundred years. When was the last time Magnus had visited Alec's grave? Not for a while, longer than a year. At least two and a half. Maybe he was just very drunk, and he'd go back out to the small, pulsing club unable to see the gut-punching visage of Alec.

But sure enough, the dance floor practically parted for Magnus when he exited the bathroom, his eyes instantly flying to where Alec was busy moving forward against one man's crotch and backward against another. The sight didn't upset Magnus so much as it captivated him. When had Alec ever been so brazen? Magnus had to remind himself that the times were different. He remembered the heartbreak he endured before, that dark time before, when Alec ran off to marry Lydia Branwell and hide behind her image. He didn't look like he was doing much hiding these days.

Despite Magnus's awkward behavior, Alec couldn't help but wonder how the other man knew his name, or why he reacted like Alec was a scary monster. Alec kept an eye in the direction of the bathrooms, waiting for the stranger to reappear. It didn't take long, but neither did finding men to dance and grind with. The actions excited Alec, who lived a very monotonous public life. But who was he to repress his feelings in the privacy of the small gay club? He envied the men who easily took the others home, their sweat and smells and solid bodies-- 

And the stranger was still staring at Alec.

Alec knew this, though he pretended like he hadn't even seen him come back out of the bathroom. He threw his arms around the dancing man in front of him and thrust his hips forward before falling back to the swaying rhythm of the man behind him. He felt like he was on a ship on the ocean somewhere, body rocking with the waves...

Sometimes, the other men were very forward with Alec. Hands roamed, mouths wandered. Usually, Alec did his best to save the intimate acts such as kissing for more intimate settings, but that night he was all about playing the strange man's game. So he leaned into a kiss with some random, sweating, wet mouth and parted his lips invitingly, letting his tongue do most of the work for him. He went at it for a few minutes before letting his eyes open again, only to lock back onto the man that had run from the bar. Alec didn't break his kiss, nor did he break eye contact with Magnus. It was a challenge, a dare, _run away again, try._

But Magnus did not run away again. Alec thought he saw tears on the man's cheeks, but that couldn't be right. It had to be the glitter dancing on his skin. Eventually the boy that Alec was kissing was swept away by someone else, and Alec turned his attention fully to the one behind him, kissing him with as much ease and disenchanted attitude as he would as an actor simply going through the motions. What made this round of the game boring was that Magnus had left, unable to watch more.

The truth was that it had taken a long time for Magnus to stop thinking about Alec, let alone the things his mouth could do. For a long time, he felt bad for fantasizing about the man's younger self and the things they would get up to, but eventually Magnus found that it was easier to cave into the wet dreams and let his heart mend itself in the morning. Seeing Alec-- or someone who looked so much like Alec it hurt-- making out with some other random person in an anonymous club on some anonymous street, cut Magnus so deeply that he just had to leave.

It couldn't really have been Alec, right? He had been cold, dead, gone, buried. 

And yet.

Magnus stood under the light-polluted sky and sucked in deep breaths, though he had to stay under the cover of the awning to avoid getting drenched in the rain. He kept picturing Alec's wide, inviting mouth, which aroused Magnus, but quickly suffocated the flames when the rest of the image of Alec kissing someone else crept in.

If it were really Alec, wouldn't he remember? Instead he had asked, _do I know you,_ like Magnus was an unknown substance stuck to the bottom of Alec's shoe. Magnus was beginning to think that maybe cruel human genetics had created a man that looked identical to Alec, but was not Alec at all. Just some cosmic coincidence that ripped Magnus apart at forgotten seems.

People exited the club in groups or alone. Which were happier, the people that tripped along each others' heels, or the ones that got to get up regret-free the next morning and try all over again? Magnus couldn't say for sure. He remembered the preparation he had gone through hours earlier in the hopes to score somebody or even multiple people for the night, but as the rain drenched him he felt ridiculous, and he was moments away from using his magic to portal himself home. 

The club door swung open again and feet approached Magnus. He looked, and sure enough, there was the ghost of Alec.

"Cigarette?" He extended to Magnus.

Unable to keep the remark to himself Magnus said, "I didn't know you smoked."

Alec retorted, "You don't know me." He lit a cigarette, but only puffed on it once. Then his hand dangled at his side, nicotine burning away in the humid air. "I think you have me mixed up with someone else."

"Someone else who is also named Alexander?" Magnus teased, not able to look the man in the eye.

Silence. Then, "Lucky guess, I suppose."

Magnus hummed, then reached around Alec anyway for the cigarette, tasting it on his own lips and scorching his own throat, figuring that it would be the closest to a kiss as he'd ever get to again with Alec. Their mouths on the same cigarette, their tongues tangling on the same words. Alec was staring at him. Magnus waited.

"This is going to sound weird," Alec blurted out. "And maybe I am just very drunk and very horny, but you do look familiar."

Magnus gave him his cigarette back. "You're just horny," he sighed. "And drunk." He wanted the Alec-impostor to go away, but the boy dragged on the cigarette and blew out the smoke pensively. He wasn't done with the conversation.

"Magnus?"

Magnus flinched at the sound of his name rolling of the tongue of the boy he once loved, the boy that he still loved after two-hundred years. Maybe that's what it was; somehow Alec remembered everything and had been playing a cruel game with Magnus to get back at him for two-hundred years of separation. Magnus shook his head, forced himself to remember burying Alec despite the twisting knife in his gut at the memory. He took a minute step toward Alec. "How'd you know my name?"  

Alec had long since lost the teasing manner he usually managed to carry with himself. Instead he was dazed, unable to look away from the stranger leaning against the wall. The word had come to his mind after flicking the cigarette away. He hadn't even known it was a name, he just had the suffocating urge to spit it out, declaring something to the world that he wasn't even one-hundred percent sure of. His head spun. He had just wanted to lose himself in the flashing lights and pulsing bodies of the club, and there he was standing under some flimsy cover from the pouring rain, a strange man standing next to him and all he could do was fight the urge to lean over and shove him against the wall and kiss him breathless. He imagined doing that, just kissing Magnus. Alec thought that the man would like that. He thought that he would like that, too.

The sharp taste of tears caught Alec by surprise. He wasn't upset, he didn't know why he was crying.  "I don't know how I knew your name," he huffed. "I should get going."

Magnus didn't want Alec to go, even if it wasn't actually the same Alec that he loved. The other boy turned away to go, and Magnus reached out to stop him, unable to keep his calm. The instant his hands fell on Alec's skin, an electric shock went through his body and sent him jolting back. Neither boy had time to do anything other than flinch and drop to the pavement. Alec managed a quiet groan. 

The rain was still trickling. Magnus and Alec laid under it, until the club bouncer found them and called an ambulance.


	2. Chapter 2

The lights were too bright. Alec could remember that because his eyeballs felt on fire whenever he cracked his eyelids even the tiniest bit. But then he kept forgetting and went to open his eyes anyway, only to have them catch on fire again. He spent a long time filtering through the light and the pain, and for some reason he smelled salt water. He felt someone press their lips to his, and his eyes flew open. 

There was no one there, at least nobody kissing him. And his eyes weren't hurting, so he kept them open to gather his surroundings. He was in a hospital room, wires going in and out of him until he didn't know if he was machine or man, strong or needy. There was a whiteboard hanging on the wall opposite him that told him the date and who his nurse was, but other than that he had no information. He couldn't remember how he got there. 

"Good to see you're awake," a voice said from next to him. Turning his head made Alec dizzy, but he managed to do it and saw his sister sitting in a vacant chair, arms crossed over her chest, one leg thrown over the other, frown decorating her otherwise pretty face. "Are you proud of yourself?"

"What happened?" Alec asked. His throat hurt.

"Alec," Isabel sighed and dropped the angry act. "They found you outside on the street, knocked out. You wouldn't wake up. The doctors initially thought it was drugs--"

"I don't do drugs," Alec protested.

Izzy continued on like he hadn't spoken. "-- And you're lucky it was me who answered the house phone, or else mom would've heard the name of the club you were found outside of and looked it up." Alec's guts twisted sharply. The idea of either of his parents finding out about his sexuality never failed to make him extremely nauseous.

"I don't know what happened," he tried to tell his sister. "I was drunk, yeah, but not wasted. I wasn't with anyone that could've done something."

One perfectly plucked eyebrow raised in Alec's direction. "Then who's that?" Izzy asked, nodding over her shoulder at the other bed in the room, the patient still unconscious on the thin white mattress. "They found him with you."

Alec told Isabel that he had never seen the other man before in his life, and that was the truth. At least to Alec, who couldn't remember the conversation that had taken place outside of the club. "Well, then maybe he tried something and hurt you," she suggested, eyeing the man in the bed curiously.

"No, it wasn't like that," Alec insisted, though he didn't exactly know why he was defending the stranger. 

"It doesn't matter," Izzy shrugged. "Mom's demanding you be put in your own room. Or at least a different one. Money talks."

"They're moving me?" 

"Around seven, they said." Izzy stared at the floor for a long time before leaning forward. She was observing her brother, watching the way his eyes seemed to drag back to the man laying in the other bed, before he caught himself and looked elsewhere. "Are you sure you don't know him?"

"I don't know him." Alec stared at the wall. 

"Okay. Well, Jace and Max are on their way. Mom'll be with them. Don't expose yourself."

Izzy exclaimed that she was starving, and took her brother's wallet to go find food in the hospital's cafeteria. Alec was left to his own devices, trying hard to remember the man next to him and why he couldn't stop looking at him. He smelled salt water, but he knew the hospital was nowhere near the coast. 

"I didn't hurt you," Magnus muttered weakly from the bed. Alec blinked in his direction. 

"What?"

"I didn't try to do anything to you."

Alec nodded. "Okay," he began. "Look, man, I don't know you. My sister gets a little dramatic sometimes, but you seem to be in no better shape than me. I'm not mad. I just want to go home."

"You don't remember anything?" Magnus asked, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible. His monitor gave him away with the rapid beeping following his hammering heart. 

Alec shrugged. "What's there to remember?"

"Al--"

The door to the room burst open and Magnus quickly resumed feigning sleep. Alec bit his cheek to keep from smiling at the man's act. It was his brothers, Jace and Max, and Jace's girlfriend, Clary. "Alec!" They all exclaimed, falling just short of unison. For the better part of two hours, Alec entertained the siblings and guests with various versions of the events leading up to hospitalization, laughter and jokes filling the air. Izzy had joined them all again after a little while, and she brought more than enough food to fill the grumbling stomachs. "Hospital food gets a bad rap," Jace admitted around a mouthful of something that he had swiped from Clary's portions. "It's the bomb."

"Eww," Max scrunched his nose. "You did not just call something _'the bomb,'"_

"I did," Jace nodded, smacking his food dramatically. _"It's totally gnarly, the bomb-dot-com duuude,"_

Max groaned, Alec chuckled. 

The door opened once more, and the crowd of heads reflexively turned toward the noise. For a while it had only been the charge nurse doing her various duties, but now it was Maryse and Robert Lightwood, Alec's parents, the bringers of melancholy and doom. "Hello, Alec," his mother greeted, a little too formally. The past few years had damaged their bond. She didn't know where Alec's role as entrepreneur stopped and his role as son began. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine," he admitted. "I could go home. I don't even feel sick."

His mother gave him a smile. "I'm glad to hear that," she told him. "But I'm afraid that after speaking with the doctors, we've agreed that you should stay here for a few days to run some tests and make sure everything is okay."

Alec deflated at the idea of staying in the hospital, away from work and his life, but he couldn't argue with his mother's reasoning. It was, after all, a strange occurrence. What harm could come from covering all of their bases? 

His mother told him basically everything that Isabel had. He would be moved to his own room, he would be monitored carefully to ensure as immediate a release as possible. "Just rest, okay?" she smiled. Then she did the most motherly thing she had in years: she hugged him. His father nodded before departing without saying so much as one word, and the siblings were left alone again. 

Izzy burst out laughing. "It's always so awkward," she chuckled, because it was the only thing she could do.

"I can't believe I have to stay here," Alec groaned. 

"It's a good idea," Jace shrugged, surprising Alec and Izzy. "I mean, just to make sure that nothing's really wrong." 

"Yeah," Alec nodded. He felt fine, like the picture of perfect health. But to qualm everyone's worries, he agreed to stay.

It was a little later than seven when a nurse came to inform Alec that he was being moved. The man named Magnus next to him didn't talk much, just stared idly at the wall next to him. Or at the blank TV, or anywhere that wasn't Alec himself. There came a point when Alec couldn't stand it, and he began to open his mouth to talk, but the other man had gotten out of bed to use the bathroom. On the way back to his bed, he pulled the dividing curtain closed, eliminating all possibility for conversation. 

Alec thought that he should speak anyway, ignore the curtain as if it wasn't even there, but he pressed his lips together. He couldn't help but imagine the other man's body laying just on the other side of the fabric. There must have been some reason for the two to have been found together at the club like Izzy said, but Alec couldn't remember anything from the previous night. He didn't have a chance to find out before his bed was being rolled out of the room.

He knew that his mother probably thought that Alec would have appreciated his own room, but the truth was he missed the other man, though he didn't really know why. To pass the time, he turned on the hospital TV, but the family game shows and soap operas were boring. He walked the halls to stretch his legs, but the IV drip hanging from his body made him uncomfortable. Eventually he settled in front of the room's window, watching the hospital parking lot. People came and went. Some were crying, others had balloons and cards and teddy-bears. He watched one pregnant woman hobble her way in, boyfriend or husband or maybe just friend guiding her along as her red sweating face screamed in agony. Alec was thankful that he was not a girl.

But the day still dragged on. There was nothing to do in the hospital besides be sick, and since Alec wasn't sick, he had nothing to do. He didn't have his phone, his mother probably confiscated it like Alec was a teenager that had broken curfew. So, his mind started to wander. Unsurprisingly, Alec ended up thinking about the man in the room down the hall. Did he have a new roommate yet? Was he okay? Was he hurting, unlike Alec?

Thinking about the man brought a flash of something almost like a memory, but Alec just chalked it up to his unconscious memories bringing up the image of the man half-naked, mouth open and inviting, body spread deliciously on a bed. Is that what had happened the previous night? Alec would remember something like that, he never got so drunk as to forget such a beautiful body.

But now Alec was in a predicament. He was alone for the evening and hard. There were no clubs to escape to in the hospital. His legs were shaking. He blinked and examined his bed, but something felt weird about jacking off in a hospital bed. He couldn't think about people doing sexual things in a hospital-- he knew it did happen, but he couldn't fathom it. But his cock ached. 

He decided to lock himself in the room's bathroom, that way if any nurses came in he'd be hidden well enough. He felt silly, like he really was a teenager discovering masturbation for the first time, but when the door clicked shut and the buzz of silence began to drown him, he couldn't help but close his eyes and let his hand slip down and under the hospital gown. As soon as he closed his eyes, he pictured the stranger. Alec saw him riding his dick, sucking his dick, fingering himself, every dirty thing Alec could think of, the image of the man did. But it felt real, like the stranger was really on his knees sucking Alec off. 

Curiously, Alec opened his eyes. He was standing in front of the expansive bathroom mirror and could see someone else with him. He flinched, stopped touching himself for a moment. "Fuck," he muttered, turning around with red cheeks. But the bathroom was empty. Alec berated himself, it was just his overexcited mind trying to trick him. He picked up where he left off, letting his head fall back a little.

When his eyes fluttered open again, he was in a dimly lit house, dust floating through the air. He looked down, and there was Magnus on his knees before Alec. Only this time, Alec _remembered_ Magnus, and felt a surge of emotions that went beyond simply lust and desire. He loved the man that was sucking him off, and not just because he was sucking Alec off. For a moment, Alec was living two-hundred years ago, with Magnus in one of their houses. 

Alec reached down and tangled his hand in Magnus's hair, twisting and pulling. He was breathing heavily, he was close. _"Magnus,"_ he panted. Was this real?

Magnus licked slowly up Alec's dick before swallowing it whole, and then Alec was gone. He came harder than he had in a while, choking out little gasps and professing his love to Magnus. 

When Alec opened his eyes again, he was back in the hospital bathroom, nightgown slightly damp and Magnus's name rapidly slipping from his mind. "Shit," he panted, distracted by the embarrassment he felt for not thinking to move the hospital dress. He could ask for a new one, but he was positive the nurses would figure him out.

By the time he got changed and fell asleep that night, Alec couldn't even remember what the stranger's face looked like, though his chest did feel heavy with the thought that he was missing something, or forgetting something very important. He slept uneasily that first night in the hospital, tossing and turning and searching.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

There was a time before, when the white on the walls and the halls and the floors bled into shades darker, when floorboards creaked with the weight of maidens' feet as they rushed with home remedies to heal unknown ailments. Magnus had only ever been hospitalized once since the invention of penicillin, and quickly used magic to get himself out of the hospital. If he was ever too weak to use his own magic, he'd rely on his friends. It's what most of the warlocks did, at least the ones that interacted the most with humanity.

But now, Magnus dragged his hand along the white walls of the modern hospital, watching as his fingers glided and bumped over the microscopic texture of the plaster. Whiteboard here, poster there. All bleeding into the white. 

Waking up in the hospital was weird. The mundane doctors were running tests on him and probably running up a bill long enough to run circles around his beloved loft. It didn't matter anyway, Magnus had more money than he could ever use. Catarina visited him, asked when he would just heal himself and go already. He had told her, "I don't know." But his eyes stuck on the bed once inhabited by Alexander told her otherwise.

Then Magnus couldn't stand the room anymore, and he was wandering the hospital halls with his IV drip invading his skin. When he asked for the reasons behind the medicines, the doctor pretty much scratched his head and offered a generalized answer. But Magnus didn't ask to be discharged, and the doctors said he wasn't ready to be discharged, so the IVs remained. The halls stretched before him. He ached to know which room Alexander was staying in.

The other boy seemed to have forgotten the events outside of the club, but Magnus saw them replayed every time he closed his eyes. There had been the cigarette, Alec remembering Magnus's name, then Magnus touched him and something happened. "Excuse me," he stopped a random nurse passing down the hall.

"What can I do for you?" She asked.

"I'm looking for my friend, we were near each other but he was moved recently. Could you tell me his room number?" Magnus was a good actor. The nurse found nothing wrong in helping him along, so Magnus very easily found out that Alec's new private room was only five doors down from where it had once been. "Thank you very much," he told the nurse before throwing a playful wink her way. 

Magnus enjoyed playing up the sick act. He doubled over slightly, gave himself a limp (that often switched from leg to leg), wheezed, spent plenty of time gaining the positive perception of all of the hospital workers. 

The nurses' station was full of the regular gossip. "He reminds me of an old man," one sighed. "But, like, young."

"Wow, so insightful," another nurse teased.

Magnus postponed going to Alec's room because he was nervous. It was a silly thing to be considering their history, but Magnus was smart enough to realize how delicate the situation was. He didn't want to screw anything up and lose Alec for another couple of decades or centuries. Maybe it was his last chance, and he would never see Alexander or anyone who seemed to be Alexander ever again. He couldn't stomach the thought. Probably it would be better to leave it all alone, to not dig up old feelings and bring more pain to his heart. 

Down the hall, behind the door that Magnus had paced in front of no less than a dozen times in the past hour, Alec laid in the throws of half-sleep, consumed by something that felt strangely like memories but presented like dreams. There was the face of that man that he had shared rooms with briefly, but it seemed younger somehow. He was on a beach, Alec looked after him as he skimmed through the washing tide. They had been arguing, nothing drastic, but Alec wanted to teach him how to swim and the man would hear nothing about it. 

Then they weren't on a beach anymore, but a grand bedroom. Alec was spread out half-naked on a lounge chair that was positioned directly under a large window that filtered the sun rays so that they warmed his skin but didn't leave him burned. The beach left him feeling sun-tired, his skin a little pink but rapidly darkening. The familiar stranger was somewhere in Alec's peripheral vision, talking about magic and pirates and adventure, and they seemed to have resolved their little argument. 

In this dream-memory, Alec floated on the sun rays that bathed his skin in warm security, and the other man kissed him like Alec was the only thing in the universe that mattered. A strange tightness squeezed at his heart, and Alec felt the dream-memory slipping away. He clung to the man, desperate to keep him where he was, but he was fading. Alec felt like he was falling, growing older and dying. And the man was there, watching, crying.

Alec awoke a day later, the gentle beeping of his heart monitor tying him to reality. His heart ached; his crotch stirred. 

"You slept for a long time," a female voice said. It was the day's charge nurse, looking over Alec's information. "How do you feel?"

"Uh," Alec croaked. "I feel... odd."

The nurse raised an eyebrow, but kept a well-practiced air of calm about her features. "Odd? Any pain?"

"No," Alec told her. "I feel like-- like I have to go." He began fidgeting under the hospital blanket. It was itchy and appeared thin, but was surprisingly capable of twisting around all of his crevices and binding him in place. The nurse fixed him with a look.

"Mr. Lightwood, if you'd like to discuss plans for discharge I'd be happy to inform your doctor, but I'm afraid you cannot just get up and go. Stop, you're going to mess up the IVs--"

The woman tried to keep his hands away from the tubes going into his skin, but Alec caught her by surprise and managed to pry at some. There were liquids spraying everywhere and a sharp sliding sensation in his veins, and eventually Alec had to be held down by additional nurses. "We can take the IVs out," the charge nurse panted through the commotion. "But you have to let me do it properly."

Through these events, Magnus stood at the end of the hall watching the commotion. He didn't know if something was wrong with Alec or if he was just being an extra troublesome patient, but he told himself that it was none of is business. Then a male nurse dashed by him toward the room, doctor in a white lab coat trailing just behind. 

As casually as he could, Magnus slipped his way closer to Alec's room. He wasn't concerned, no, of course not, he just wanted to know what was going on. He caught the tail end of a female nurse filling in the doctor on the issues. "... very calm, but then started trying to get his IVs out. He seems to be having some sort of episode."

"Mr. Lightwood," The doctor prompted. Magnus had to keep himself from looking into the room. "Are you feeling any pain?"

"No, I-- I have to go, my family, they--" Alec cut himself off with a scream, which silenced the rapidly moving medical team who hadn't expected anything like that. Alec continued, "I have to go, I have to go. My brother, he's sick, I can't leave him alone--"

"Mr. Lightwood, your family is fine. You're the one in a hospital." 

There were all kinds of attempts at rationality, but Alec seemed lost to everything. 

"Where is he?" Magnus heard him ask. "Magnus! Magnus, I--"

A nurse making her way down the hall asked Magnus to return to his room, and Magnus complied, accompanied the long journey by Alec screaming for him. But Magnus was unable to do anything. He couldn't just pop his head in and say, _"Ah, yes, sorry, I'm Magnus Bane. I was his lover two-hundred years ago, he seems to be remembering our past life together."_

He imagined he'd be locked up in some psychiatric facility immediately.

Alec was given light sedation so that the nurses and doctors could regroup and figure out what was going on with their patient. The sun was high in the sky, blazing down on the hospital and calling for strolls in the park, or maybe feet in the cool ocean waters. But Magnus couldn't leave Alec alone, not in the state he was in. He made up his mind. Even though he knew it would only break his heart again, Magnus would try to help Alec remember, he would try to get Alec back. 

The Lightwood family hadn't changed in two-hundred years, which gave Magnus a splitting headache. He saw them come in the day following Alec's outburst. There was Jace, golden and loud, the center of all the attractive attention. Isabel was strikingly gorgeous in this century, finally able to make use of as much of the revealing clothes as her past self could have dreamed of. What hit Magnus the most painfully was seeing the youngest Lightwood, Max. He was probably no more than twelve or thirteen to Magnus's eye, older than when he had first met the boy all those decades ago. But he was healthy. There was no similarity between the Max running through the hospital halls now and the Max bedridden and half-dead back then, aside from his physical features. 

What would have happened if Max had been so healthy back then? What if Alec had never gone pirating, looking for his cure, looking for treasure to pay for the cure? Magnus's breath caught. For the first time in those few days at the hospital, he closed his door to the scenes outside, unable to process everything so rapidly. He felt exhausted, and told his nurses such so that they would give him some space. They had been keeping a close eye on Magnus since Alec's outburst, waiting for him to explode as well. But Magnus had had two-hundred years to stop crying out for Alec, two centuries worth of practice in learning that the past was the past, no matter how much it lingered on. He wanted to know what they were talking about in his room.

"How are you feeling, Alec?" his mother asked him. She had a tight-lipped grin on her face that revealed her worry more than it served to hide it, and Alec read it as easily as he would a children's book.

"Fine." He didn't look at them. Max was sitting in the big reclining chair, flipping through the various channels on the hospital TV. Jace was standing by the door, unusually quiet. His parents stood at the foot of the hospital bed, his mother's arms crossed over her chest and his father looking anywhere but at Alec. Only Izzy was near him, sitting right on the edge of the thin mattress, even sacrificing the crisp dress she had on to wrinkles. 

She was the first one to be honest with him. "The doctor told us about what happened yesterday."

"It's kinda foggy," Alec admitted. 

"Alec, you were trying to escape." His mother looked angry, but really she was just worried and wasn't sure how to convey that to her son. "Who's Magnus?"

"I don't..." Alec closed his eyes tightly. Hearing the name brought the image of the other man to his mind, and he didn't want to drag the poor guy into his family's drama just because he was the unlucky manifestation of whatever was happening in his brain. "I was just tired, that's all."

"They called it an episode," his mother continued. "They've suggested psychiatric evaluation."

Alec snapped his head in her direction, finally looking at her. "I don't need a shrink."

His mother had dark circles under her eyes. His father blinked and smacked his lips before saying, "Well, I'm cutting back your hours at the office--"

"That's not fair!" Alec argued. "I'm damn good at that job, you wouldn't get half as much work done without me." 

The words stung the air, but they were true nonetheless. His father remained stoical. "It's not about the work, Alexander. It's about your health. We've talked, and we all agree that you need a break, that you're overspent--"

"That's what _you_ _all_ talked about," Alec interjected. "But you didn't talk with _me!"_

"We didn't need to," his father said firmly. "You're in no condition to be making decisions for yourself."

Alec floundered for words. He felt backed into a corner. Legally, he was an adult that could make his own decisions about his health. But he knew that his parents' money made the real choices in his life. He glanced at Jace. "And what do you think of me?"

Jace looked toward their parents for help, obviously uncomfortable to be thrown under the bus. "I just want you to get better, bro."

Alec threw his head back against his pillow, feeling betrayed and abandoned. "Fine," he huffed. "If you all agree, then I guess I'm fucking insane."

Max snapped his eyes to his older brother and his mother hissed, _"Language!"_ But Izzy just shook her head.

"None of us think you're insane, Alec," she insisted. "We just don't want you to keep pushing yourself so hard. You've earned a little vacation."

"Yeah, it's _great_ scenery. Really relaxing. The sedative in my veins _really_ makes it a liberating experience, plus, sometimes the food _actually_ tastes edible around here! Great vacation spot, you guys. We should make it a family tradition." 

The bitterness in his voice made his mother turn red with shame and sadness. "Alexan--"

"Just call it what it is," Alec sighed. "You guys should go."

"Alec!" Max protested.

"Look, I'm upset. If I have another _episode_ or whatever I don't want you guys to see. I just need to sleep."

Isabel was the only one to agree with him. His mother tried to insist on staying a little longer, _for family time,_ but the mood was spoiled and Alec was genuinely sleepy.

Everyone left slowly, and Alec was alone once more. 

The room buzzed with silence. Max had shut the TV off when he left, and Alec couldn't find enough energy to raise the remote and turn it back on. His eyes blinked rapidly. He felt dizzy, like he was sliding through time becoming younger and younger. When his eyes snapped open, he was standing in the middle of a town. The smell of piss and shit and alcohol wafted through the air, but he didn't feel disturbed by it. He looked around and there was a short woman walking next to him, arms linked through his, bonnet in her hair blocking the sun from reflecting off of her blond scalp. Alec stopped in his tracks. He didn't know who the woman was, or why she turned back to him with a concerned look on her face, head tilted to the side and brown puppy-dog eyes asking, "Dear? What's wrong?"

Alec shuddered. He had never been romantically involved with a woman, had never wanted to be. Someone pushed past them, and Alec realized they were in a market of some sort. He wanted to ask questions but instead found himself saying, "Nothing, sweetheart. I was just pondering prices."

He felt bile rising in the back of his throat as she smiled and dragged her hand down his shoulder and forearm and chest. She was saying something to him, but all Alec could see was that familiar stranger from the beach, Magnus, and he was leaving the woman behind and running toward him. There was some lapse in time and then they were standing together in an alleyway, Magnus fixing him with cold glares that spoke of hatred, and Alec desperately wanted him to just smile, or at least relax. 

_"You broke me,"_ the memory of Magnus told Alec. _"You ripped my heart out. Why should I help you?"_

Suddenly Alec felt panicked. He couldn't lose Magnus, it had been too long without him. He had to find him. Where'd he go? His heart felt like it was leaping out of his mouth, beating its way to his brain, and Alec could only spin around, lost in some old city. The salt water called to him as the tide came in, matching the bitterness of the salty tears that he tasted as he began crying. A few people gave him strange looks, but none of them were Magnus so it didn't matter. He began calling for Magnus, moving quickly between houses and alleys and shops, looking for the love of his life, praying that it wasn't too late.

The ground beneath him was shaking, maybe it was an earthquake. Then he came to in the hospital bed, a nurse gently shaking his shoulder to wake him from his nap.

Through his gasps he cried, "God, I'm insane."

"Mr. Lightwood, what happened?"

But he couldn't tell her. He couldn't begin to describe the ache in his chest when the other man rejected him. He couldn't begin to tell her that he loved Magnus so much, more than his own life, but he couldn't remember who Magnus was. He felt like his mind was split in two, a half that knew and a half that begged to know. The nurse tried to tell him to calm down, it was just an episode, but the words meant nothing to Alec who couldn't stop crying.

For the next few days, Alec passed in and out of sleep. He wandered the hospital halls and went outside with supervision to get fresh air. But always in the back of his mind were the flashes of some dream that felt so real it was almost like another life. 

Around the sixth episode of his stay, Alec slipped out of his room late one night and began ambling down the halls. His past and present self were beginning to work together, unaware of each other, to remember which room had been his first one that he briefly shared with Magnus. At first when he stumbled his way into the room, he was confused. There was an old woman laying asleep in the bed. Then it came to him that Magnus did not have a private room. Sure enough, behind the curtain that acted as a divider, Magnus laid sound asleep. Alec watched for a while. He felt strangely like he had every right to climb into bed with the other man and kiss him awake, but his past self felt so scared and confused that he could only wake up his lover and beg for help. 

"Magnus, what is happening?" Alec asked him. "Where are we? What is this place?" 

Magnus blinked his way out of sleep, startled by the darkened image of the boy he loved. "A--Alec? What are you doing out of your room?" He wanted to ask how Alec had managed to get past the nurses station, but guessed that a question like that would only bring the other boy more anxiety. 

"I don't know where we are, Magnus." Alec's eyes were wide, illuminated by the reflective light of Magnus's muted TV. "Are we okay?"

"Alec..." Magnus sighed deeply. "Alexander, you have to go back to sleep. You're having a nightmare."

"Come to bed with me," Alec begged, hand extending out to Magnus. He let Alec touch him, let his hand roam over his cheek and neck and shoulder, and he shuddered into the touch. 

"Alexander," he breathed, eyes fluttering shut against the forgotten sensations of Alec's skin against his. "We can't, you have to go back to your room."

"Magnus," Alec moaned, something half-sexual that hinted at Alec's present perception. "I'm scared. I need you."

Alec fell onto Magnus's bed, legs cramped together in the narrow space. Magnus had half the mind to use his magic to make them semi-invisible. Anybody who came looking for either of them would get distracted, at least until the glamour was dropped. 

Alec had captured Magnus's face in either of his hands, faces close to kissing, his nose trailing over Magnus's cheeks and lips. Magnus understood. This was his Alec, from the past. All of those memories trying to organize themselves in the boy's present brain must have been confusing. Magnus told himself that it would be wrong of him to let the boy continue in this way, that there was no balance between his present and past mind, not yet, but with Alec's lips so close to his after so long, he just couldn't resist.

"Let's go to the beach," Alec whispered, breath ghosting over Magnus's lips. "I know you destroyed the Abandoned Island, and it wouldn't be the same, but we should go to the sun and the ocean."

"I'd love that, Alexander," Magnus replied as he finally let one of his hands trail up to Alec's face. He traced the ridges and plains with memory intact after decades, reveling in the boy's shudder. It felt like the most intimate, sexual thing they had ever done, even though they were both fully clothed and hadn't even shared a kiss. Their lips brushed, Magnus rolled his hips up to Alec.

"I was petrified for so long," Alec began. "I was scared of this. Of you. Of myself. I wasted those years--"

"Hush, Alexander," Magnus pleaded. "It's in the past." Magnus didn't know how long this would last. It was an episode, something converging on the edge of unity but not yet permanent. Magnus thought he would die if it stopped.

They stayed together for a long time, doing little more than breathing together and whispering each other's names into the darkness, a promise, a memory. 

It changed when they finally kissed. "Alexander, I love you. You remember that right?"

"I'll always remember that, Magnus Bane."

The words delighted Magnus so much that he could no longer hold himself back. He wrapped a hand around the back of Alec's neck and pulled him in for a kiss. When their lips touched completely, there was something akin to the shock they felt outside of the club a week ago, just not as strong. 

Then Alec was pulling away, putting miles of distance between their two bodies. "I-- who are you? Are you Magnus?"

"Alec--"

"Help! Nurse!" 

Magnus didn't know why Alec was calling for help, but he did remember that nobody could really hear Alec in the moment until he dropped the glamour. He tried for a few more moments to calm the boy, but he was inconsolable. "I... I remember these _things_ about you, but I don't know _you!"_ Alec yelled, hands going to the top of his head, gripping at his hair and pulling. 

"If you calm down, I can explain some things." Magnus waited until Alec looked him in the eyes. "You were a pirate," Magnus informed him. "The Greatest Pirate in the World."

Alexander looked at Magnus like the man had three heads. "I don't believe in past-lives or reincarnation or any of that mumbo-jumbo." He breathed deeply, but at least stopped pulling at his hair.

"Neither did I," Magnus admitted. "Until I saw you again. After two-hundred years."

"Look, pal, I'm not buying what you're selling, okay? I don't know what you do, but--" Alec began to backpedal.  

"Alexander, please--"

"I have to get out of here," Alec declared. He stormed out of the room. The words stung Magnus into silence, and he watched as Alec went and didn't even look back. 

The next morning, Alec was demanding to be discharged against medical advice. His nurse tried asking him if something had happened overnight, but Alec's cheeks simply flushed red and he refused to say anything. He was an adult, he didn't need permission from his parents to be released. He called his sister to come pick him up, and Magnus watched from the window of his room as they sped away in a jet black car. 

Before any tears could fall or any anger could rise, someone spoke. "That was quite the quarrel you and your boyfriend had last night."

Magnus looked over his shoulder. The divider between his room was pulled back. He had forgotten about the roommate that had replaced Alec after he had been taken to a private room. It was an elderly woman, all bones and permed hair. Magnus wondered how she could see through his magic, but of course couldn't ask her that. Instead he said,

"I'm sorry if we woke you up, Ma'am."

"It's alright," the woman smiled. "I don't sleep very often these days. Do you mind me asking what the problem was? He seemed fine one instant and crazy the next."

Magnus tilted his head. He could confess his story to the old woman. He hadn't told anyone about it in years outside of the warlock community, and besides, it wasn't like the old woman could harm him. The worst thing that could happen would be that she thought he was insane, which wouldn't be far-fetched considering their location. "It's a very long story," he warned her.

"I have nothing better to do. The hospital has none of the good soaps on anyway."

So Magnus recounted his story to the woman, told her of Alec from the past and the trouble now. He detailed that he had been haunted by his ghost for so long that he couldn't believe he was really there when he saw Alec at the club. He told her that he had suffered alone for so long with his memories of Alec, and that he couldn't imagine how the other boy was feeling. "That was a whole other life," he summarized. "He probably thinks he's losing his mind."

The woman had been listening with her eyes closed. She was silent for a while after Magnus had finished speaking, and Magnus thought that she had fallen asleep. He began daydreaming out of the window, his chest felt lighter after telling his massive secret, eyes straining over the horizon in hopes that he might see the black car the Alec whizzed off in, but then the woman began speaking. "I didn't meet the love of my life until I was seventy-five years old and she was only a little older than me. I had a husband for fifty years and three children, all popping out grand-babies for me. Mortal lives are too short. You've found him again. Don't lose it."

"You believe me?" Magnus asked. He hadn't found a mundane that honestly believed in magic since the early eighteen-hundreds. Everything after that was party tricks.

"I've lived long enough to tell when people are lying to me. The doctors are all liars when they tell me that I am looking good, my children are liars when they tell me they forgive me, I lied to myself for seventy years because I thought I was wrong and everyone else was right. But you, you remind me of Her, and She wasn't a liar. You've spun me the craziest tale I've heard in some time, but there was nothing in you that made me think you weren't honest. I heard the pain in your voice last night. Whether or not you're really more than two-hundred years old doesn't matter. What matters is that you love him, and he loves you, even if he needs some extra help remembering that."

Magnus blinked away tears. "Thank you for that." He couldn't prolong mortal life, but he could send some magic her way to ease her pain. He didn't know what she was sick with, but she sounded like her heart could use some comfort. She gasped, and a joyful smile spread wildly across her face. 

"This world is bigger than I'll ever know," she sighed. "But I think you've taught this old bag of bones some knew things to carry with her."

Magnus smiled. For his last trick of the morning, he carefully removed all of the IVs in his skin and conjured up a great portal. The old woman laughed freely at the sight, magic filling her senses and making her feel like she was traveling back in time to when she was just barely an adult, and the world seemed rose-colored and endless. She watched the mysterious young man step through the swirling gap in the air, and closed her eyes in the wake of his silence, picturing the story of her love coming back to her from the dead. They were young, living all of the things they had missed out on because of age and society. They kissed, they made love, they married as soon as they were allowed to, they adopted children together. They were at peace. She loved her children and the rest of her family with more than she ever thought possible, but the strange hospital roommate left her with a heart full of possibilities and what ifs, and that day she slept more soundly than she had in fifteen years.


	3. Chapter 3

Izzy drove silently for a while after picking up Alec from the hospital. "Mom's gonna be pissed," she warned.

"It doesn't matter, I'm twenty-four years old, I can make my own decisions."

"Have you had any problems recently?"

Biting his cheek to help the lie Alec said, "No, I've been perfectly fine, just like before. I stayed in that place long enough to placate our parents, that's all."

"Right." Izzy shrugged. Alec couldn't read it. Was it an annoyed shrug, a happy shrug? Angry? Or was it simply an action with no meaning? Alec needed to stop reading so deeply into everything. 

He decided that bottling everything up wasn't the best way to deal with his problems, and he had always trusted his sister with everything, no matter how serious. She had been the first person he had come out to. "Have you ever thought you were in love with someone after knowing them for a short time?" He asked.

Izzy glanced over her shoulder before merging lanes. Luckily, she was a better driver than she was a cook. "I don't know," she began. "How short?"

Alec thought that he didn't need to tell her the whole truth. "I don't know, a few months?"

Izzy hummed. "I mean, if you know the person and that's how you feel, then that's how you feel. Nobody can say when the right amount of time has passed to acceptably fall in love. It's not something you plan."

Alec weighed the words. His problem was that he didn't know this Magnus character, but he did. He had solid memories together with him, not just dreams. He could remember the weight of their lips together, how fast his heart would beat when Magnus entered the room. But he couldn't remember those things happening in his life. It was like he had another life, a past life--

He changed the subject slightly. "Do you believe in reincarnation?"

"These are some deep questions, big brother," Izzy joked.

"Just humor me."

Sensing his serious tone, Isabel dropped the sarcasm. "I guess, I mean, I don't know what I believe in. It's hard."

"Do you think it could be possible for someone to live more than one life?" 

"I know that some people think that," Izzy replied. "But it doesn't matter what I think. What do you think about it?"

"I'd rather not say," mumbled Alec. "Mom's ready to lock me away in an asylum as it is."

Izzy chuckled. "There aren't asylums anymore," she told him. "Besides, I'm not mom. I told you that I don't think you're insane. If you want to tell me, then tell me. If not, that's up to you."

Since when had Izzy ever been so wise? Alec sighed, thinking about all of the hours he spent in his father's office doing all of the work; file after file of names of men with careers and papers of their own to file. He hadn't kept up with Izzy's schooling as much as he would have liked. He wondered what Jace was doing. With a pang of guilt, he forced himself to trust Izzy completely. He listened to her talk about Jace's various brushes with law and death, about Max's prize-earning school projects. She spoke little about herself, but a warm feeling of buzzing pride still filled Alec, and the two were both smiling by the time they got home.

The house loomed before them with metaphorical, ominous clouds surrounding it. Alec could just imagine his mother perched on one of the kitchen chairs, deep red wine glass in hand as she sipped on it menacingly. She'd ask him what he was doing; she'd tell him he was making a mistake. 

Izzy could sense her brother's hesitation. She reached over and patted him on the shoulder. "You're not crazy, Alec." 

It had been a while since Alec had been home in the daylight. He had forgotten how clean his mother kept the windows. Inside smelled like some cleaning product covered up with the odor of baking cookies, though nobody in the house actually baked. "Hello?" Izzy called out as he hung her keys up on their hook by the door. 

"Izzy?" Max yelled back, voice echoing from upstairs somewhere. Then his footsteps pounded on the ground as he raced to say hello. Before he could appear, Jace's curious head peaked around the corner from the kitchen. His smile for Izzy widened when he saw Alec, and Alec was faintly reminded of the odd time during his teenage years when he had developed a misplaced crush on Jace while he was sorting out his feelings-- but then the memory transformed into something darker, something from the previous night when he had climbed into that man's bed in the hospital and kissed him. Alec had wanted to kiss him, had wanted it for a long time, even though they had only known each other for a handful of days.

Alec blinked back to reality as Max crashed into him with a ferocious hug. "Hey, buddy," he chuckled, memory quickly fading to nothing. "What are you doing out of school?"

"It's Sunday," Max informed him.

"Oh," Alec blushed, feeling a little shameful. "I forgot what day it was."

"It's okay," Izzy cut in, sensing Alec's negative emotions. "All that matters is that you're safe at home."

"I--" Alec felt backed into a corner. He couldn't stop staring at the light bulb in the ceiling and wondering what it was. He knew it was a light bulb, but part of him didn't understand it. He thought that maybe he should have never left the hospital. 

"You okay?" Jace asked.  
Before Alec could explain the confusing matter of the light bulb, the sharp clack of heels on the wooden floors rapidly approached the group. "Isabelle, don't tell me--" Maryse Lightwood was stopped by the sight of her eldest son, who she had assumed was still unconscious in the hospital. "Alexander, what are you doing here?"

Izzy jumped to the rescue. "They discharged him, he called me to come pick him up."

"Wouldn't they have called his parents?"

"Mom, I'm an adult." Alec felt distant, but he at least knew that the statement was a fact. No matter what he was dreaming, or remembering, or feeling, he was an adult with decisions to make for himself.

Maryse wasn't convinced. "So, they've diagnosed you? Offered treatment?"

"There was nothing to diagnose. It was a fluke," Alec shrugged.

"A fluke that landed you unconscious outside of a bar in the middle of the night with subsequent amnesia about your whole life?"

A brief silence fell on the group. Surprisingly, Jace was the one to speak up. "Look, ma, Alec's home with a note of good health from the doctors. Isn't that enough?"

Maryse sighed and seemed to fold into herself slightly. "You're right," she admitted. "I'm sorry, Alexander. Of course I'm happy you're home and healthy. I've just been over-worked is all." She stepped forward and hugged her son, squeezing him tight enough to cause ache. Alec flinched at the contact, blinked, and suddenly he was no longer in New York City in 2018.

The house was familiar; small and dusty. His mother blinked up at him curiously. "Are you alright, son?"

"Just tired," Alec said. He swallowed hard. 

"Well, why don't you go lay down. You've had a busy past couple of days."

"Yes," Alec nodded automatically. "I'll just go to my room." 

Alec forced himself to breathe as he left his mother's embrace and walked up the creaky, ghostly wooden stairs. He saw three doors; two leading to rooms with small beds, and one with a bigger bed in the center of the room. His feet led him by muscle memory to the room with two small beds in it, and he remembered that he and Max shared the space.

Careful not to wake the sleeping, sick boy, (even though he had just been hugging Alec, right?) Alec fell onto the hay-stack mattress and let his heavy eyes close. Then he felt a pressure on his lips, and his eyes flashed open. He was in a different house, but it was still not the New York that he knew. "Good morning, sleepy head," A sing-song female voice cooed. Alec felt a little sick.

"Lydia?" He asked, though he was sure he had never heard of the girl in his life. 

"Hello, love," She smiled brightly. "We've got a busy day ahead of us. Isabel said she would go with me to the market, so you can rest a little longer if you'd like. But as soon as I'm back, we have work to do." She happily leaned down and planted another kiss on Alec's mouth.

"What's happening?" He asked once he had the freedom to talk.

Lydia, thinking that Alec was asking about her plans for the day and not realizing that he was really wondering what in the hell was happening to everything he knew, immediately spun into her plan for a marvelous stroll followed by wedding planning. All of those details flew over Alec's head as he began to fade into darkness again. His final stop of whatever odd time-voyage he was on, was a beach.

Alec was standing in the water up to his waist. Magnus was a yard behind him, shaking with fear as water licked at his shins. "Come on, great warlock," Alec called teasingly, extending a hand back to the other man.

"I'm trying, Alexander," Magnus called. "I hate water."

"But you don't hate me," Alec told him. "Just walk to me."

Magnus took a hesitant step forward. Alec, knowing that the other man would not actually be able to make it farther, took small steps back to him so that the journey was less. Finally, Magnus crashed into Alec's arms, gripping him tight, chest against chest. Alec's eyes stung, because he missed this man from the hospital who he knew so well and yet could never fully remember. What had happened to them? 

"You cheated," Magnus chuckled shyly. "We're barely up to our knees."

"We have plenty of time to keep trying," Alec told Magnus. He leaned down, and kissed him with much more passion and desire than he had kissed the girl Lydia. He found himself not wanting to leave this memory of the beach and the sun and the island, though it was quickly fading away. "Magnus," he moaned-- but then he was clutching at nothing, awake again in the present-day, tears streaking his face and heart shattering. But he didn't know why. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


Magnus's feet clicked on the familiar wooden floor of his beloved loft. He purchased it some time ago, after losing Alec, and he had lived there ever since. It was somewhere that Alec had never been, never touched, never haunted. The walls leaned into Magnus, welcoming him and weeping from loneliness, the absence of pictures and memorabilia a stark reminder echoing Magnus himself. He whipped up the first alcoholic drink he could think of, aware that he knew nothing about the present Alexander, let alone where to search for him.

There was the club, but the chances that Alexander would ever go back to the place were slim. New York was a big city. Magnus felt something brush his leg, the pur of his favorite cat Chairman Meow calling to comfort him. "Hi, Kitty kitty," Magnus chirped, leaning down to scratch at his ears and under his chin. "Have you been lonesome these past few days? I'm sorry, I was taking care of business."

Magnus didn't have to worry about keeping his cats fed; his magic kept them more than well enough nourished. But he knew from personal experience that all the food in the world couldn't heal a lonely heart. So he scooped the Chairman up and snuggled him close to his chest, forgetting about his drink entirely. "Oh, Meow," Magnus sighed in a nasally voice. "What am I going to do?"

Chairman simply purred.

"It's Alexander, it has to be," Magnus continued. "Only, he's been dead for two-hundred years. What's happening?"

"Knock knock," a voice called out. Magnus, startled by his slip in awareness, dropped Chairman onto a nearby couch and straightened out his hunched shoulders. 

"Yes?" He replied, ready to face whatever client he had forgotten about scheduling. 

No client walked through the door, but rather one of Magnus's oldest friends, Ragnor Fell. "Hello, Magnus," Fell waltzed in. "Drinking already? Have you been that bored in my absence?"

"Actually, Ragnor," Magnus began. "I have a problem, and I don't think you're going to like it."

"Well, when you preface it like that I doubt it'll be the highlight of my day."

Magnus cut to the chase and said, "It's Alexander."

Ragnor's playful smile dropped into a quizzical frown. "More of your ghosts? I'm telling you, Mags, it's not healthy to--"

"No, Ragnor, listen. It's Alexander. He's alive again. The other night at a club, we touched."

"Are you suggesting that he's come back from the dead?"

"I don't think so," Magnus shrugged. His drink had been forgotten until that point, during which Magnus helped himself to the whole glass. "I saw his whole family, too."

"Reincarnation?"

"I don't believe in that," Magnus frowned firmly. "In all our years, he would be the first case of it."

Ragnor frowned. "Well, I don't know what else to call it. Does he remember you?"

"That's the tricky part," Magnus huffed. "Sometimes he does, but mostly he doesn't. I think his past and present self need to reconcile."

"That sounds traumatic."

"I don't know, Ragnor." Magnus collapsed onto his couch, a still purring Chairman crawling his way onto Magnus's lap. "It's torture."

The situation summed up between them, a silence fell in the loft. Ragnor paced, looking over the books that Magnus had collected over the years. "Perhaps you should talk with him."

Magnus scoffed. "The last thing he wants is to see me."

"Well," Ragnor hummed. "What if you showed him this?"

From the bookshelf Ragnor pulled out a faded brown photoalbum. There was no title, no identifying marks other than the worn spine and flayed edges. Magnus hadn't looked at it in decades. Inside, there weren't actually pictures. They were memories that Magnus had taken from his own mind and brought to life in image-form. He had done it before with memories, but not as much as he had with his Book of Alexander. 

"Look," Ragnor said, flipping through the pages. "These are pictures of you and him, together. It could help him remember." Ragnor offered the book to Magnus, but he was hesitant to touch it, knowing how heavy the emotions contained in the pages were.

"What if nothing works? It would be better to just move on again--"

"And hate yourself for losing him again?"

Magnus sighed. Defeated, he held out his hand for the book. It was so familiar. After all, it was a piece of Magnus himself; the weight of an entire world in his hands, a whole lifetime that had been and gone. He didn't open it. "Why are you encouraging this? You never fully trusted Alexander."

"That may be true, but you love him more than you've loved anyone. Not Camille, not any other lover could even scrape against your emotions for Alec. If we can figure out what's happening, then my dearest friend can have happiness again."

Magnus sniffled. He hadn't realized he had started crying. "Thank you, Ragnor."

"Thank me later," Ragnor shrugged. "Right now, we have to find your Alexander." 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Alexander's path around the city was very predictable. Magnus was able to see that he only ever went to a handful of places, and spent hours at a time in one place. This Alec lived a very sedentary life compared to before. Magnus's heart broke a little for him. Surprisingly, it was when Magnus had been out not looking for Alec, that they ran into each other. It had been nearly a month since they had any physical contact, and Magnus had to double-take at the boy whizzing past him in the office firm to make sure that it was really Alec. What were the chances that one of his clients would be working in the same office as Alec? Magnus sent out a thank you to the universe for the small favor.

"Sorry," he muttered to Alec, stepping aside, unsure what the encounter would bring.

Alec was a whirlwind. He hadn't seen Magnus for weeks, let alone touched him. Magnus had been a mostly vague wet dream, a ghost in the corners that Alec couldn't quite peer around fast enough to catch. But now the man was in front of him once more, and Alec was flooded with the thought of kissing him, picking him up and shoving him against the wall like it was nothing, like it was the most common act in the world but the last act he would ever perform. He was glued to his spot on the floor. "Wha-- what are you doing here?" He finally managed to ask.

"Business," Magnus shrugged, decided to play it cool.

"I know all of my father's employees," Countered Alec. "And you're not one of them."

"Correct you are," Magnus smiled, desperate to hide his aching heart. "But I'm not here for your father." 

Alec raised an eyebrow, but his eyes fluttered around the room indecisively. "Look-- I don't know how you found me, but I'll call security--"

"No need," Magnus quipped, though his heart sank at the idea of Alec throwing him out. "My business is with a man in the building adjacent to this one. I was jut walking by and noticed you and remembered our time together in the hospital-- all the bonding we did and whatnot-- and decided to step on in and say hello."

"Hello," Alec deadpanned. "Now you can go."

"Since I'm here," Magnus continued. "Do you want to grab a coffee? I'm exhausted, I could use the caffeine." He threw in a wink for good measure, but Alec did not respond as Magnus would have liked. He was retreating, making up more excuses, fading away. Magnus knew he shouldn't force anything, but he just needed one instance of Alec remembering him, of being his. "Let me give you my number," Magnus began, a ploy to reach out for Alec's wrist to hold him back. As soon as they made contact, Alec's hand jolted away, but Magnus could tell that there was a change.

"Magnus," Alec sighed. He seemed to literally swoon, swaying slightly back and forth where he stood."My head hurts so badly."

"I can help you," Magnus promised. "But you have to let me. Trust me, even when you don't exactly know who I am." 

There had been times when Magnus and Alec were so close that they couldn't tell where one body ended and the other started. Magnus's pain was Alec's, and Alec's joy was Magnus's. Magnus's mouth gave and received everything as Alec's. There was never a singular part. It was Magnus and Alec, together, in and out, right and wrong, happiness and tragedy.

In two-hundred years, Magnus had loved plenty of other people. He courted a woman that told the funniest jokes and loved to cuddle. He found another that was sassy and pushed him to the edge of everything he thought he knew. There was then a man that was stubborn and fought with Magnus on many things, but loved him nonetheless. But through them, and many more, there was always Alec. The Greatest Pirate in the World; Magnus's one love. Like the legend of soulmates attached to each other by threads running from body to body, no matter how separated the two were by distance or time, they'd belong to each other.

"We could've been--" Magnus started, but his throat constricted. Breathing deeply, he managed to say, "You and I, Alexander, we were everything. But we could've been so much more."

"I want to remember you," Alec whispered. For a moment they were no longer in Alec's busy business, hundreds of potential eyes surrounding them. Alec's eyes were tightly closed. They were close enough to kiss. "And sometimes I think I do. But then there are these moments, like now, when I feel like I'm not me, like my body is not mine. Like when a word is on the tip of your tongue-- I feel like that all of the time." 

Magnus had an idea. "Let's go to the beach," he suggested.

"Huh?"

"In the hospital, you-- well, you asked me to take you to the beach. Maybe it could help you."

Alec frowned. "I don't remember that."

"Of course you don't," Magnus apologetically shrugged. "But I think it could be good." 

Before him, Magnus saw two different people. There was the Alec he loved-- who was really the same as the other Alec that struggled to remember Magnus. They fought against each other and Magnus wanted to pull them apart and shove them together and heal all of Alec's wounds, but he could only take things one step at a time. And the first step was the beach. With the album burning a hole in his bag, Magnus smiled as his life started to work out to his benefit for once in two-hundred years. 


	4. Chapter 4

First dates had not been something that Alec experienced. There were the clubs, pulsating and blinding and forgettable, and he never saw most of the faces of the men he fucked in there, let alone sought them out for a steady relationship. The only date he had ever been on was with a girl in the eighth grade before the formal, which was awkward because of her mom's presence and Alec's lack of desire for the girl. There was no second date, suffice to say.

But this thing with Magnus, could he even call it a date?

Alec found himself happily taking off days at work to go with the man, even though there was a lot to catch up on and not a lot of his father to go around and help. He hummed under his breath a lot, even though he was not a talented singer, and he helped around the house more. "What's go you so happy?" Jace asked him one day. They were sitting on the balcony, enjoying the sun as it shone high in the sky. Alec had his eyes closed and head tilted back.

"Hm?" He was in the middle of one of his dream-memories, the warm sun filtering through a tall window and bathing him. He had dreamed of this place before; the big bedroom with the sunny chair, a bed with blankets that spread in waves like the ocean. 

Jace said, "You've been seeming pretty, uh, chipper, lately."

Alec shrugged, not wanting his vision to fade entirely. "Just feeling good, I guess."

Then Jace asked, "Is it a guy?"

Everyone knew that Alec was gay, but he and Jace did not share the same talks as he and Izzy. Alec cracked open one eye, trying desperately to hold on to the image of red sheets and tan skin, hot mouths and low whispers-- but it was gone. Instead, Jace was looking at him with an odd smile on his face, and Alec couldn't read it. "I mean, no," Alec fumbled.

"What's he like?" Jace pressed on, easily picking up on his brother's hidden feelings.

"I..." Alec thought for a moment. What harm would come from confessing to Jace? "He's kind. Dark hair, eyes. We have a... history, I guess you could say." Jace's eyes widened a little bit.

"How'd you manage to keep him a secret from Izzy?"

Alec scoffed. "She's not as all-knowing as you think she is."

Jace laughed. "So are you two, like, boyfriends?"

Alec felt his heart stutter. There was something about the implication of him and Magnus, together, that made him feel excited but scared at the same time. "No, we don't know each other well enough yet."

"I thought you said you two had a history."

"Yeah, well, it's complicated." Alec looked away from Jace. For a long time, Alec had secretly envied Jace for all that he was. A golden child with an affinity for the ladies, everything that Alec was not. But Alec had to become his own person, and that process diminished his bonds with everybody in the family, Jace worst of all. The two used to be inseparable. Alec could remember the first time that Jace came home with his mother, and she sat everyone down to talk about how the boy was going to live in the same home forever with them, that this Jace character was Alec's brother. Now Alec couldn't even remember what Jace's life consisted of; his problems, his girlfriend, his schooling. Alec said, "I'm going on vacation in a few days."

Jace raised an eyebrow. "Where to?"

"South, a little. To a beach."

Jace didn't hear Alec's nerves. "You deserve a break, big bro."

Alec took a deep breath. He had reconstructed everything so well with Izzy, he knew he could open up to his brother just as well. "I'm going with that guy. I'm really nervous."

Jace gave him a sideways look. "I don't man, you seem pretty fond of him. What's got you all twisted up?"

Alec could only confess so much. He couldn't tell Jace that sometimes he was in an entirely different world, a completely ancient life where everything was different except for what was between him and Magnus. Alec couldn't confront the fact that sometimes all he craved was Magnus's skin against his own, and he only ever got it in those dream-memories, and he didn't know if that made him crazy or it meant something else, something deeper. Instead of saying all of that to Jace, Alec stood up from his chair and walked to the railing of the balcony. 

The city stretched below him. For a split second, Alec pictured himself climbing over the railing and standing tall, arms stretched out to his sides as the wind swept him around. Then he would fall, but it wouldn't be long before the wind picked him up and he would fly. In reality, he gripped the iron post hard enough to sting his palms. He wondered where in the city Magnus was. He wondered when he would have all of the answers. "There's just a lot that he and I need to talk about," Alec finally told Jace. "I'm worried about how that will go."

As the days passed, Alec fought with himself over whether or not to text Magnus before the trip. He stared at his phone, at the text box below Magnus's name, until the screen would fall asleep and he'd unlock the phone and start it all again. Magnus had given Alec his number but had not asked for one in return, so it was all up to Alec if there was to be any further communication. He could text to cancel. He could call to confess his odd, painful love. In the end, Alec nearly smashed the phone on the ground out of frustration before typing out a simple, "Hey, it's Alec. We still going to the beach?"

There was no reply for a while. Alec bit his cheeks, thinking that maybe Magnus had given him a dummy number, or maybe he had changed his mind and would not answer at all by way of blowing Alec off. 

Magnus stared down at his phone screen, rereading the brief text no less than fifteen times before even beginning to think about a response. His palms were sweating. He hated this new era of communication. Before, Alec had no choice but to verbally communicate with Magnus. Now it was a cat and mouse game of clever words and correct wait and response time. Luckily, he had a client to deal with to pass a little time. He couldn't remember the details, something about a lingering cough and blinding headaches, nothing too drastic for Magnus to come up with a remedy for. 

Overall, it was three hours later when he finally shot a message back to Alec. "Of course, do you still want to?"

Alec poured over the response for hours, almost a whole day. This was his chance to chicken out. He typed and deleted numerous responses. 

~~No~~

~~I'm sorry~~

~~I think I've been in love with you before~~

~~I've been having these dreams~~

Yes. I'll see you Friday.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Magnus absolutely hated cars. He had always hated mortal inventions of travel, when he could just snap his fingers and appear anywhere in the world in a matter of seconds. But, he figured it would be better to not scare Alec off with any magic like that just yet, so he conjured up a vehicle just big enough for a weekend's worth of luggage. Luckily, it was driven by magic, so Magnus only had to pretend to drive. He'd just have to be careful not to slip up.

He parked in front of Alec's business, taking the time to get out of the car and stand in attendance. Magnus wanted more than anything to skip all of this formality and have Alexander back as his own, but he knew that he couldn't rush it. 

When Alec emerged from the building fifteen minutes later, Magnus had to remind himself to breathe. Alec was dressed in a business suit-- of course he was, he had been when Magnus first sought him out-- and he was flushed a certain pinkish color that made Magnus think of the past. Automatically, he raised a hand and waved at Alec, who seemed to falter in his walk toward the car. 

Neither knew if they should hug or shake hands, and the ended up doing a weird mix of the two. Surprisingly, there was no spark when they touched that time. Magnus tried not to take that as a bad sign. "You ready to go?" He asked, voice a shaking mess.

Alec nodded, but he wouldn't look directly at Magnus. 

The drive was silent for a long time. It was three hours to the nearest warm beach, and Magnus dreaded every ticking minute. He was ready to snap and jump through a portal off a cliff, the car ride was so agonizing. Alec sat up rigid and straight, not at all comfortable in the car. He looked out the window, fidgeted with the radio, did anything to avoid looking at Magnus. Before they got too far, Magnus asked, "Alexander, are you sure you want to do this?"

"I have to," Alec said quickly. "I have to know the truth. I have to know you."

The words did not sound bitter or angry. They were simply a statement that Magnus could only cling onto with all of his hope. "But you do know me," he sighed. 

Alec stopped messing with the radio, landing it on some random oldies station. "That's what I keep thinking," he admitted. "I do know you, but not from this life."

"Yes," Magnus smiled a little too quickly. "That's exactly right."

"The rest is foggy."

Silence returned to the car, but it was not as unbearable as before. Elvis began singing, _wise men say, only fools rush in_ and Magnus had to pretend that he wasn't blushing.

Alec, however, was no longer avoiding the sight of Magnus. In fact, he was staring hard at the other man, eyes trailing over the ridge of his nose and the plains of his cheek, profile sharp and inviting. Alec wanted to lean over and kiss every bump, every flat line. He settled for reaching out and grabbing Magnus's hand. 

Despite trying not to reveal his emotions, Magnus jumped at the contact and looked away from the road and to their hands. Then he caught himself and looked back at the road. His mouth felt full of saliva, but his throat was dry as a desert when he said, "I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you into this, Alexander."

"I want to remember you," Alec said, echoing himself from a few days ago. "I need to remember you."

_Like a river flows, surely to the sea, darling so it goes, some things are meant to be._

Magnus blinked away tears. "I need you to remember me, too."

_Take my hand, take my whole life too._

"Tell me about us," Ale requested.

_For I can't help falling in love with you._

"You were a pirate-- you and your brother, Jace. We met when I tried to plunder your ship. There was a storm that washed you ashore of my island. We didn't immediately get along, but then you came to love me."

The song ended, and Magnus took a deep breath.

"Then you left me. I didn't see you for two years. You married a woman named Lydia Branwell because you were scared and ashamed of your truth. But through it all, we fell back together."

Alec let go of Magnus's hand, letting his fingers trail over the man's palm and up his wrist and arm. He rested on the spot below his ear. "I remember a town," he began. "I remember seeing you in a crowd, and you ran away from me."

"I was hurt, Alexander. You broke my heart." He felt Alec wipe a tear away from his cheek. Magnus hadn't realize that he had cried. "But you didn't let me get away. Now I'm not letting you get away."

"I don't want to run from this-- this, whatever it is."

Magnus stole another glance at Alec, neither could stop smiling. Magnus forgot to pretend to drive, and Alec didn't even notice that he hadn't looked at the road in ages. They weren't crashing, they were fine. Magnus leaned closer to Alec, and Alec closed the gap between them by pressing his lips to Magnus's. 

The silence during the rest of the trip was comfortable, and Alec held tight to Magnus's hand. The sun was setting when they got to their destination. First they lugged their stuff to their hotel room (double beds, just in case) before exploring the scene. 

Alec let the cold water wash over his toes, dragging out the sand from under him and sinking him slightly. Magnus stayed a little farther back. "You don't know how to swim," Alec suddenly said.

"No, I don't. You remember that?"

"I remember wanting to swim with you, and you told me that you hated it," Alec explained. 

"Yes, well, not much has changed." 

The sun hung low in the sky. It was off-season; few bodies could be seen on the sand or surf. The wind blew Alec's hair away from his face, and even with eyes squinted shut against the dying rays of light and face a wrinkle of frowns and confusion, Magnus felt the air stolen from his lungs. Magnus saw his mouth move, but the words were too silent to pick out. He felt water rush over his own feet and forced himself not to sprint away screaming. 

Alec extended his hand out to Magnus, offering something that looked like the past. "I'll teach you, if you trust me."

The same words had echoed in Magnus's mind for years. He remembered the Abandoned Island well-- after all, he had put so much of his magic into it that it was almost an extension of his own body. Destroying the island, however, could not destroy Alec's presence. This time around, Magnus did not refuse Alec's hand, he never wanted to refuse it ever again. He wanted to tell Alec to take him anywhere, take my whole life too, just don't ever leave again.

Magnus stepped forward, let the sand shift under his feet, and grabbed Alec's hand. 

There was no jolt, not even the slightest shock. Instead Alec's eyes widened and he whispered , "Oh my god," knees weakening. "Magnus-- I-- I _know_ you."

All of the pieces were falling into place. There was the semi-shared cigarette outside of the club the night they had met for the first time in two centuries. Bumping into each other on the dance floor. Fingers brushing as they exchanged items, longing, curious brushes in the car. Grabbing hands at the beach. Contact. God, how long had Magnus craved Alec's touch? Even when he thought he was finally fine, it was always there, Alec's ghost whispering in his ear. As soon as their bodies touched, Alec was filled with visions of himself and his best friend Jace, sword-fighting and plundering and sailing on the seas. "Oh my god," he sighed again, eyes glassy as the memories swirled past. He watched in a daze as he and Magnus made love, then he ran away, and he married some woman named Lydia, everything that Magnus had told him-- and Magnus pulled away, and the remembering stopped.

But there was no doubt left between them. Alec knew that those memories of the past were his, and his new life was also his, and that Magnus was supposed to be his. All at once he wanted to strip Magnus down to nothing but flesh and heat, yet knew that he hadn't known this present-day Magnus for very long at all. Is that how it worked?   
"How-- how much did you see?" Magnus asked. His throat was still dry, the salt water burned it.

"Magnus, I saw you and me. We were... And then I ran away from you and I hurt you... But you still helped me-- God, you're so amazing, how could I forget you?" The words came out of Alec without much thinking. There were tears, and maybe Alec could have blamed them on the ocean but both knew too well the truth. "Magnus, I love you."

There had been a long time when Magnus could not get out of his bed. His friends would come to try and lure him out, but Magnus would simply vacantly stare at his hand outstretched on the other side of the empty mattress, searching, wishing. He never thought he would get Alec back. Death had been something that Magnus was so used to in his life that a loved one coming back never even danced in his wildest dreams, and here was Alexander; glorious, golden Alexander. 

Their lips were close. The waves rocked them unsteadily. Alec leaned in, past Magnus's lips and to his ear and whispered, "Take me to the hotel." He snagged a quick peck on the lips before pulling away with a goofy smile. Magnus felt his feet moving on autopilot, but did not drop Alec's hand. They bounded through the sand and Magnus nearly tripped over his own feet (he really, really missed his portals) and that sent Alec into laughing hysterics all the way back to their room, where the door slammed behind them and they were kissing instantly. Magnus was pressed up against the door, Alec's strong and sure hands holding his face, his neck, his shoulders, anywhere. 

They kissed for a long time, remembering and relearning. Magnus didn't know how he could have lived so long without Alec's lips, surely they were an essential part of life like oxygen or water. Magnus shifted, rubbed against Alec. Moaning, Alec spun Magnus around and walked him toward the bed. They crashed together, bodies instantly tangling. Magnus wanted everything, down to Alec's naked body pressed against his as they moved against each other, inside and out. But there was fear breathing down his neck, doubt about the permanency of Alec's memory. "Alec, Alec, wait," Magnus panted, cursing when Alec's hand roamed down beneath his pants. 

"Magnus?" Alec asked, pulling back and giving the other man some space. "What's wrong?"

"I just-- I don't want you to forget again."

Alec paused, sat back. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't want to do this and then wake up and have you not know who I am again. I couldn't bear it." Magnus sat up too, but his head hung a little shamefully. "It would break me."

"Hey," Alec said gently, cupping Magnus's cheek. "Then we'll wait. We'll enjoy the beach together. There's no rush for you and I. We have time again."

Magnus nodded. "I don't want you to forget me again."

Alec kissed him hard. "I'm not going to. I love you, Magnus Bane."

"I love you, Alexander."

Alec smiled, a light pink decorating his cheeks. "Let's get some sleep, yeah?"

Magnus nodded. They pushed the two beds together and fell into the middle. Magnus remembered the past and how Alec would always wrap himself tight around Magnus in the night. He did so then, and Magnus sighed happily, kissing his shoulder, arm, hand.

There was plenty to worry about. Magnus wondered what Alec would be like in the morning, how they would be after their beach getaway. He remembered that Alec was still only mortal. There was plenty to worry about, but for that night, both boys just slept peacefully in each other's arms as the ocean lulled them outside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it feels fast paced but thats just because im a shit writer hahahahaha

**Author's Note:**

> part two of this long long story because I kept writing things for it and i never planned for this to happen im so sorry (*i'll update tags and stuff as I go but I just really wanted to get something for this posted)


End file.
